Raise your hand if you’ve ever done this. You’re in the middle of telling a friend about an argument you had with someone, and you say “hmmm… now I don’t even remember what we were arguing about… Well anyway...” 🙋🏻♀️ Yep, my hand is up too!
We can get so attached to the notion that we’re right and the other person is wrong, or so entrenched in proving our point, that we don’t allow ourselves to stay open-minded and listen to someone else’s perspective. This, my friends, is a G R U D G E. Over time, we remain stubborn, stuck, unwilling to budge, and we hold onto that grudge with a white-knuckled grip. Eventually, we have held on for so long, now we’re invested in it. But it’s a blind investment because we’re so focused on the holding, and we lose sight of why we grabbed-on in the first place!
What might have begun as asserting yourself or taking a stand for what you believe is right, over time has devolved into unnecessary use of your energy, strength and motivation. I mean, let’s be real, if we can’t even remember what the argument was about, what sense does it make to continue spending all that energy and time on holding onto that grudge? That was a rhetorical question, btw. Instead of investing in a grudge, divest it of its power! Besides, when you stop and think about the word itself → G R U D G E ← yuck! It even looks and sounds ugly!
So what’s between you and letting go of the grudge? It’s pride my friends. Maybe it’s disguised as assertiveness or self preservation, but peel back those layers (anger, resentment, resistance, I could go on) and yep, what’s underneath every grudge is actually nothing but pride.
Now, here’s the really interesting part about all this. On the other side of pride is where all the magic happens! Really! I promise! So, all we have to do is get over our pride. Easy right? Heh heh… just checking to see if you’re still paying attention. Truthfully, not so easy. However, we just happen to have a tool in our tool box that makes everything easier: PRACTICE! The more you practice anything, the easier it gets, and the more masterful you become! Okay so check this out. Lately I’ve been putting this new behavior into (ahem) practice. When I notice I'm avoiding someone, or perhaps I'm feeling stuck on something he/she/they said or did that's bothering me, I put a hault to my monkey mind thinking, take a breath, and ask myself:
Am I holding a grudge? Do I even remember why?
Do I just want to be right?
Wouldn't I rather have connection, peace, love?
...and every time - after allowing my stubbornness to express its resistance for a few moments - I push past my pride and realize that yes, in fact, I do want connection, peace, love. Always. Every time, and twice on Sundays!
So I’m calling you to action! Do what you gotta do to get past that pride. Step over it. Get a running start and jump over it if that’s what it takes. Heck, if it’s too tall, just walk around that bitch! However you have to do it, get pride out of your way. On the other side, your heart will soften and open, and instead of clinging to why you're right and the other person is wrong, you will remember how important this person is to you, and that what you really want is to repair and nurture that connection.
Leave pride behind and be ready for magic!